I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
