Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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