I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
