I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
