btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
