YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
