Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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