my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
