I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
