Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
