i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
