Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
