What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
