i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We just shotgunned beers for America
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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