It's Friday. Sex?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
