She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize