Do vagina's smell?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm having to shit out rocks
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