well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
