well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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