What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
