Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
