my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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