I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
