Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
