I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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