I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
