fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
