the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
