Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize