I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
