if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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