did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
