Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
