am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
