birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
