Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
