hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
