oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
