I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
