So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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