speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just took my morning after pill in the library
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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