i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
