i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize