life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
