Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
