My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
her vagine was all disorganized.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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