This is not my ceiling
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You were trust falling into bushes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
