pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
