White coat. Heels.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
