dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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