just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
