When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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