i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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