Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
