New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize