Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize