I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
