i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
