You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
