Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is Oprah even human
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize