Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
