This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
