Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
