drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
