Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
