Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
