I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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