if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
